i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
