You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
