after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
