i think i have herpe
just one?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
