I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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