This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
