No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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