dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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