Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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