Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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