I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
