i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
