so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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