id be glad to
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
