she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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