My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I just found a bag of teeth...
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
