another moral hangover. fuck.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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