this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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