bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
