dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
