I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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