Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
