We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
