Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
