great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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