i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
