Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
