I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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