??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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