We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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