you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
