they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
