I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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