Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
We are two peas in an std pod
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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