i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
