you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
