I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
