when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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