we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just want nice things and good sex
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
