No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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