remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
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