I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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