You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
