It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
