Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
