Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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