somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
