everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
