She went from zero to smokin in five shots
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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