I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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