you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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