Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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