I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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