im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Randomize
