I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
