She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize