we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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