Ambien. No doubt about it.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
