i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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