Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
