Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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