Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
