Buhtt sex?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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