Tell her she can't have a vagina
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
