Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
