It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
