Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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