Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
