having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
