Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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