I'm so fucking centered right now
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
