You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
