Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
