Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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