so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
